Codependency and Humping
by xLessxThanx3x
Summary: "This is a PDA-vention. That's a PDA intervention...actually, it's more of a Constant-groping-and-sexing-in-public-and-TMI-ing-vention." Puck and Kurt are getting a bit carried away with public sexy times. Rated M for, well, Puckurt sexy times. Crack-ish


**Codependency and Humping**

It wasn't often that Brad the pianist avoided people. True, he rarely talked to the Glee club past, "What tempo do you take this?" but he never avoided them completely. Then Puck and Kurt happened. And to play on their combined name, he kind of wanted to "Pummel" them.

He was going to the choir room for a Glee rehearsal. There were about ten minutes left until school ended, but there weren't any music classes going on at that time of day. He figured he could warm up his fingers beforehand, since Schue had assigned songs by Sondheim—as for why, Brad had no idea, but it was better than putting on a production of _The Rocky Horror Show_ again—and he was sure Rachel would be pulling out some difficultly fast piece.

Then he walked in on Puck and Kurt. Having sex. On. His. Piano. Kurt was moaning "Noah" like an over-the-top porno while bucking his hips into Puck. As for Puck, he was groaning something along the lines of, "Like that, don't you?" while he thrust into the younger boy.

Did he mention that it was on his piano?

Brad cleared his throat. Kurt dropped his head over the side of the piano to see him and Puck looked over Kurt's body. Both boys didn't stop their thrusting, but Kurt—Kurt who just a few months ago was bitchy but completely virginal and still full of inhibitions and would blush when Puck held his hand in public—said, "Brad, do you mind—ah!—giving us—oh!—a few more—oh my God, Noah, more!" Kurt was back facing Puck, humping back into Puck's thrusts, sitting up to cling onto Puck's shoulders as both of them moved so fast the piano's locked wheels started rocking.

The accompanist quickly backed out of the room. Later in Glee, when Kurt and Puck provided him sheet music for a duet version of "Everybody Loves Louie" from _Sunday in the Park with George_, Kurt gave him a tempo without being provoked since Brad was glaring holes into the sheet music, trying not to think about any possible foreplay that might have happened on the keys. He nearly winced when they started grinding together—right on the spot Puck had been thrusting at earlier—as Kurt sang, "I mean he _kneads_ me just like _bread_, George!"

—

After her breakup with Carl, Emma was basically back at square one in terms of her OCD, so when a student she was counseling sneezed near her desk, she was horrified. Said student was sent back to class and Emma ran to the janitor's closet to find some heavy duty cleaning supplies.

She opened the door, clearly not listening to the sounds of pleasure coming from inside the door. There were Puck and Kurt, McKinley's power couple, doing a very…couple-y thing. A very _naked_ couple-y thing.

Kurt was pressed against the wall, his legs wrapped around Puck's waist, as Puck wrapped his arms around Kurt, flexing his abs as he pounded into Kurt. Puck grumbled in Kurt's ear, "God you're so fucking hot. You're such a cock slut, aren't you? You'll do anything to get my dick inside you, in any end of your body."

Kurt whimpered and nodded his head, "Yeah, baby, I love how it feels in me _so much_."

Puck chuckled, "Good, but don't worry, baby; I'm as much as a slut for you," before pulling him into a kiss.

Emma sputtered there before running away screaming, the door closing behind her. Puck and Kurt barely noticed her arrival or departure.

Emma didn't make eye contact with either boy during their junior year college prep meeting. And when someone asked why Mr. Schue didn't give Puck the Neil Diamond solo and Kurt the tear jerker, the curly haired teacher _may_ have muttered something under his breath about "Emma", "scarred for life", and "even less action". Not that the boys noticed; the two were even more comfortable around the Glee club compared to the rest of the school—which was saying something—and as Schue talked, Kurt was giggling as he ground down on Puck's lap while the latter nibbled at his ear.

—

Finn had just gotten back from Rachel's house and was ready to play some video games while he relaxed on his bed. He stepped down into the basement bedroom he shared with Kurt. Of course he assumed Puck was there—his car was in the driveway and he might as well have moved in at this point—but it was a Wednesday and there was a big test in their English classes the next day. Yeah, they had been even more touchy-touchy and TMI lately—the worst was when Puck would openly brag that Kurt's mouth was hotter, his ass tighter, and his libido higher than any MILF or Cheerio he ever sexed up, earning uncomfortable looks from most everyone else, but leading to Kurt giving a satisfied smirk before announcing that he was ready for sex and them running off somewhere—but they wouldn't be doing anything tonight, right?

Wrong.

Not only was Kurt riding Puck in a reverse cowgirl—boy?—position with his head thrown back in lust, but also it was on Finn's bed. Finn was pretty sure even Rachel couldn't shriek as high as he did.

The couple continued their thrusting and bucking as they stared at Finn. Puck finally said, "Dude, stop staring at my boyfriend like that; his ass is mine." He slapped the said ass and Kurt threw his head back again moaning and humping against Puck even faster than before. Finn ran away and closed the basement door but still heard Kurt yell, "Oh my God, Noah! Ah! Ah!" and Puck's, "Fuck yeah, Hummel, so fucking tight!"

Later that night, Finn made the sofa into a bed despite it being too short for his frame and his bed being perfectly comfortable. Burt and Carole asked him why while the Hummel-Hudson household, plus Puck, watched a baseball game. Finn shot a look at his future stepbrother and the boyfriend of the said brother. Kurt sat perpendicular on Puck's lap, his head resting on Puck's shoulder, their arms wrapped around each other's bodies in a seemingly romantic fashion; however, Finn could see Kurt's hand gently tugging on Puck's nipple ring and Puck's hand massaging Kurt's ass through his jeans, so he turned away. Finn had no idea why Burt was so calm about Puck and Kurt's hands always over each other, but he supposed the constant proclamations of love, the mornings they found them cuddling versus naked and grinding, Kurt's happy looks and fewer bruises, and, of course, Kurt's stubbornness stopped him. Plus Puck knew that Burt had a shovel, so he wouldn't pull anything.

Finn just grumbled about selfish people and his bed. Burt gathered what he meant and made a low growling noise and glared at Puck, probably noticing what the two were really doing over in the corner. Carole held him back, though, as he tried to get up to protect his son's "innocence" (Burt didn't know how non-innocent his son really was); Carole did not want Kurt's subject of adoration to die, especially since even though it was really sexual, they looked happy beyond belief. So the three watched the game, doing their best to ignore the murmurs Puck made in Kurt's ear and Kurt's flirty "mmm"s in response.

—

Kurt was walking down the halls of McKinley High with a bounce in his step when several hands grabbed him. Normally he would panic, but the hands were too soft to be any bullies—who had stopped attacking him past slushies anyways after Puck went all Fight Club on Azimio's ass (thankfully off campus, so Puck didn't get expelled, and Azimio was too ashamed that he got beat up by a "half homo" to report anything). He was thrown into the choir room where the boys of the club were standing in front of Puck.

"Noah!" Kurt called in pure glee—the emotion, not the club. The girls of glee—the club, not the emotion—lost their grip on him and he launched himself at his boyfriend. Immediately Kurt was sitting across Noah's lap and peppering kisses on his jaw. "Mmm, it's been too long, baby," he muttered in between kisses. Puck agreed at his boyfriend's testament and ran one hand over his back and one hand through his hair. The Glee clubbers realized this was even more serious than they thought; Kurt was risking his perfectly coifed hair without flinching.

"Wait, 'It's been too long'?" Tina asked incredulously. "It's seventh period and you guys have first, fourth, and lunch together."

The couple tore apart and looked at her like she was crazy. "Yeah, it's been too long," Puck repeated like he was talking to a three year old before attacking Kurt's lips. Soon the kiss escalated to tongues and moans.

"Okay, _nuh-_uh," Santana said. She, Brittany, Mercedes, and Quinn grabbed Kurt and attempted to pull him off of Puck with no luck as Kurt used every muscle to grab onto Puck and Puck used every muscle to hold him close to his body. With a flick of Santana's hand Finn, Mike, and Sam joined them and managed to tear Kurt off of Puck's lap. Kurt wailed and pouted in response as the group put him in a chair two spots away from Puck.

"But…but," Kurt pleaded, reaching his arms toward Puck, the aforementioned Gleeks holding the rest of his body back, "Too far!" Kurt looked over at his boyfriend with tears nearly spilling out of his eyes as he wailed, "Noah!" Puck, who hadn't been restrained, jumped over and kneeled by Kurt.

"Shh, honey, shhh," he said soothingly. Puck rubbed circles on Kurt's back, "I'm right here, baby," he added, kissing him on the cheek. Puck moaned and whispered, "Mmm, you taste so good," before adding more kisses around his jaw line and neck. Kurt moaned and leaned his neck away, exposing more of the sensitive area to Noah's talented tongue.

"Oh my _God_," Santana said, dropping her head into her hands in exasperation. "How codependent can you be?"

The rest tried in vain to separate the two until Brittany finally yelled, "STOP IT, PUMMEL!" It was a true testament to how intertwined their lives were when both boys looked up at their couple name. They stopped their kissing and were in shock enough at their normally unobtrusive teammate yelling to listen. Puck took a seat next to Kurt and the two stared at their fellow schoolmates as they stood in front of him.

"Finally," Rachel muttered. She cleared her throat and said, "This is a PDA-vention. That's a PDA intervention." Puck and Kurt stared blankly at her. "Actually," she corrected, "it's more of a Constant-groping-and-sexing-in-public-and-TMI-ing-vention."

"You know that we're all happy that you guys are happy and are finally together after all that homoerotic tension," Artie said while adjusting his glasses. "But even thought you guys are like, 'Yay, kittens and rainbows!' right now, as Brittany puts it, doesn't mean you have to have an allergy to pants."

The couple started to move their chairs stealthily and slowly closer to one another, finally holding hands. "This is bullshit," Puck whispered to Kurt and Kurt nodded with a frown.

"It's like Artie said," Quinn added, "I'm glad you moved on Puck." She was completely genuine, glancing at Sam with a smile. "And I'm glad that you have someone Kurt, you've had such a hard year. But this is ridiculous. We want you to be happy, but do you have to be 'happy' _everywhere_?" The couple still looked forward but had gotten even closer, their arms against each other and their fingers rubbing circles on their hands.

Mercedes shook her head. "Look, without even getting on how codependent you guys are, this is ridiculous," she said. "And, no, it's not some stupid homophobic thing about not wanting to see you guys together or being weirded out by seeing a former womanizer all over a boy."

Now the boys' thighs were now rubbing together and each boy's hand started rubbing the other's leg. Kurt slowly rested his head on Puck's shoulder, feeling content but _really_ horny. Either the Gleeks didn't notice as they were too engrossed ranting or they just figured that it had to happen. They probably didn't realize that the boys were too focused on the friction of their skin and slowly getting closer to even hear the words being used for their intervention.

"I mean, you guys know I'm totally cool with gays and bisexuals—or pansexuals or whatever the hell you call yourself, Puck—and all of that stuff," Sam added, his hands raised in defense, "but it's the fact that it happens _all the time_!"

"Brad told me he walked in on you, Kurt, laying your back on the piano while Puck was thrusting into you," Artie said, very nonchalant. Mike, who had been leaning in the piano's crook, jolted away in disgust.

"That's just not right," Mike said with a wrinkled nose. "It's like having sex on the family table."

Rachel frowned at Mike, "That doesn't mean anything to them, Mike; I walked in on Kurt bent over his dining room table while Puck pounded into him." Finn looked horrified, no doubt thinking of all the innocent Friday Night Dinners the combined family shared at that table.

Kurt had managed to get his legs stretched over Puck's lap, finally sitting on him. He rubbed his nose against Puck's stubble and started to rub his hands over Puck's body. His boyfriend's hands did the same instinctively. The Glee club's words were just background noises that reminded the couple of all of their sexual exploits, turning them on even more.

"Seriously, the amount of sex you guys have and how public it is…it's _insane_," Mercedes quipped. "Do you realize how many times you've gotten caught?" The Glee club seemed to build on this idea and decided to show them how ridiculous they were by listing all of the sexcapades the boys were caught doing in public.

"How about Kurt deep throating Puck in the nurse's office? Coach Sylvester nearly killed Puck for possibly hurting Kurt's vocal chords." Tina offered.

"Or Puck returning the favor in Mr. Schue's office, not stopping when Mr. Schue walked in?" Santana said with a smirk.

"You guys didn't see the 69 they did after we won the basketball game against Carmel," Sam added with a blush.

The Glee club now just stood facing each other as they listed all the times they walked in on the couple, paying little to no attention to Puck and Kurt; the club was still aware of their presence and assumed (wrongly) that they were listening, but they had completely stopped watching the couple's moves. Kurt's nose's rubs had turned to kisses again and he was working on making a hickey the size of Texas on Puck's neck. Puck was pressing down on Kurt's head, causing Kurt to suck harder and to start biting. In turn, Kurt pressed his whole body weight down on Puck's erection, and the two teens started moving their lower bodies in a circular motion.

"I heard Miss P talking to Schue the other day," Mercedes said, "and apparently Puck and Kurt were getting it on in the janitor's closet when she went there. They didn't even notice." The girl didn't seem to understand the irony that the club didn't even noticed Puck and Kurt's sexual escapade of the moment.

"How come no one has brought up how they ruined 'Everybody Loves Louie'?" Rachel demanded. "They were grinding in that song more than a vixen in a rap video!"

"Please, Berry," Quinn scoffed, "Every single song they do is now a duet, and each one involves grinding or dry humping. Remember their version of 'Hold Me Tight' that was basically them doing just that? And how they managed to make 'The Word of Your Body' even _more_ sensual than first written? I'm actually missing the days of their cheesy, over the top love duets of 'Elephant Love Melody' and 'Even Though' from that online musical they were raving about."

"You mean _Me and My Dick_?" Artie asked with a raised eyebrow. "In retrospect it seems kind of like foreshadowing."

"Puck performed 'Like a Virgin' and eye fucked Kurt the whole fucking time!" Santana yelled in exasperation.

"And I'm still not sure how Kurt managed to make a dirty version of 'Me and Bobby McGee' directed at Puck," Rachel said, shaking her head.

Puck's hand was now palming Kurt's erection. Kurt would thrust up to meet Puck's hand and then thrust down to put pressure and friction on Puck's erection with his ass.

"Dudes, you have _no reason_ to complain as much as me," Finn whined. "I've seen basically _every_ practice they've had for those numbers. Puck is over _all the time_ and Kurt's almost always in his lap, even when Burt or my mom is in the room. And I've definitely learned that Kurt's a fucking screamer and that's something I _never_ needed to know. Oh, and guess who I found screwing each other in my bed?" Rachel looked horrified. "In. My. _Bed_!" Finn screeched. Apparently Finn + Puck/Kurt sexy times = high notes Kurt would be jealous of (if he was paying attention).

Puck's hand went inside of Kurt's pants, palming him some more. Kurt finally flipped himself over so he was straddling Puck, his hands going up Puck's shirt to scratch and grope at. Slowly Kurt started to hump against Puck' crotch, leaving Puck panting in lust. Thankfully Kurt "The Screamer" Hummel was moaning into the ear of Puck's he was currently nibbling on.

Brittany, the only one still facing the boys they were talking to, but was too _Brittany_ to do anything, said, "It used to be hot, but now it doesn't make me that wet."

Santana let it be known she agreed, "It used to be hot watching you two go at it, but now? It's boring. It's like, oh look; Puck's hand is down Hummel's pants. It must be Tuesday. Even _I_ can't take it anymore. I never thought I'd say this, but get a room." At the end of her rant she turned towards them. "Oh, _God_, seriously? Have you guys been listening at all?"

The rest of the Gleeks turned to see Kurt humping a shirtless Puck as Puck used his hands to explore Kurt's ass under the boy's skintight pants. Puck's moans and Kurt's screams were muffled by the passionate kiss of lips, tongue, and teeth, but they kept getting louder.

"From all the times I've heard this," Finn said drily, "I can estimate that Kurt will _really_ be screaming in half a minute. And the clothes will probably come off soon. We should go." The club ran out of the room at closed the door behind them at the same time Kurt tore off both his shirt, his hands starting on Puck's pants.

"Well _that_ was a failure," Mercedes said, "I love that boy, but I swear one day I'm just going to beat his ass for all this trouble."

"I think Puck's got that covered with the paddle I walked in on them using," Finn winced. Rachel proceeded to smack and lecture him for putting unnecessary images in her head and for developing Pummel's trait of TMI.

"Oh my _God_, Noah!" Kurt's muffled voice floated through the door, "I'm still prepared from this morning, just get your big dick inside—ah-aaah! There, there, there! Harder, don't stop! Oh God don't stop!"

Even Santana blushed at the vulgar noises filling the air, and the Gleeks immediately went their different ways to escape the moans. But none of them could get far enough to escape Kurt's high-pitched scream as he came.

Finn had to stop in wonder; Kurt really _did_ have the highest voice in the club.

—

"So, why were we dragged here, again?" Kurt asked, his mind foggy from the intense orgasm he had.

"Shit, I don't know. Something about Regionals maybe?" Puck responded.

"Hmmm, probably," Kurt replied thoughtfully. Puck was struck by the beauty of Kurt's pale skin, too red lips, and beautiful blue-green eyes.

"God I love you, Kurt," Puck said, kissing the top of his boyfriend's head.

"I love you, too, Noah," Kurt replied with a chaste kiss on Puck's lips. "Now let's go to class before Janitor Kinney sees us with the mess we made."

—

**A/N: **So…first attempt at smut. Ha, hope you guys enjoyed it somewhat :D

*Let it be known that when it's the stage show the word "Picture" is not in the title of _RHPS_. : )

This was based off the following prompt on the Puckurt meme:

"Established relationship.

Puck and Kurt are at the shiny new 'I'm allergic to pants' stage of the relationship and are totally going at it daily and nightly and ever so rightly.  
Their friends and family are happy that they're happy, yay kittens and rainbows, but do they have to be happy, you know...on every available surface?  
Brad's still not speaking to them after he found them going at it on the piano, Ms. Pillsbury can't look them in the eye after the incident in the janitor's closet and as for Finn...his bed? Where he sleeps? Could they possibly be more inconsiderate?  
Everyone attempting to stage a 'Can you guys keep your hands off each other for two seconds for the love of God' intervention.  
And Puck and Kurt spend the entire time groping each other during it.  
Bonus for Santana:  
"It used to be hot watching you two go at it, but now? It's boring. It's like, oh look, Puck's hand is down Hummel's pants. It must be Tuesday. Even I can't take it anymore. I never thought I'd say this, but get a room.""

They kind of did a bit more than groping at the end but…hopefully that's okay!

I'd appreciate reviews :)

Love,  
xLessxThanx3x


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